Coming To Terms
by Confushi Sushi
Summary: Everyone Deals with the events of Heroes
1. Cassie

Title: Coming To Terms: Cassie  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene/Epilogue  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s):  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Cassie comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
I knew. I knew before she spoke a word. The look Sam had on her face was a dead giveaway. She was hurting. She was hurting, and Mom was dead.  
  
Running away wouldn't work, I knew that too. So, without any words from either of us I walked over to the chair that she sat on and wrapped her in a tight hug that she reciprocated.  
  
"Is everyone else ok?" Losing her is bad enough; I don't know what I'd do if she weren't the only one.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill was hit, but it's nothing serious." I hear the relief in her voice. She must have thought otherwise at some point.  
  
"That's good." I can't hold back the tears any longer. We just sit like that for a while, crying all over each other. Once again the Gould destroy my mother. Once wasn't enough for them.  
  
"Did she hurt? Was she in pain?" I need to know. It's obvious Sam wants to tell me no, but thankfully she decides not to lie to me.  
  
"I don't know. It was almost instant." Almost. I catch that word. So there was a brief moment where she could have been in agony.  
  
"Was she alone?"  
  
"No. No, she wasn't. Daniel was there." Good. If she had to die it's best that someone was there with her, even if it was only an instant.  
  
It hurts so much, I feel like I've been shot myself. "Will we get through this?"  
  
Sam hugs me even tighter. "Yes, yes we will. She wouldn't have it any other way." 


	2. Daniel

Title: Coming To Terms: Daniel  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s): Daniel/Janet  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Daniel comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
I still see her face. Whenever I close my eyes it's always there to greet me. It's not the beaming smile she had whenever she was happy. Nor is it the stern look she was capable of giving a stubborn patient. It's none of the faces I have come to associate with her.  
  
It's lifeless.  
  
She just lay there, smoke rising from her chest. She was dead before she hit the ground, but I couldn't accept that. She wasn't supposed to die. She was the one who was supposed to keep us alive; not struggle for that same life herself. But the jaffa that shot her hadn't seen it that way. She was just another uniform, another target for them to try to kill.  
  
It's so easy to hate him for it. To hate them all. I want to hate them. But, I try not to. It's hard to get past all of the things I want to feel. I try though, because that's what she would want. She focused her life on saving others and would be devastated if I ruined my life because of her.  
  
Doesn't make it any easier, though.  
  
Janet Fraiser is dead. Janet's dead and I was there to witness it. A front row seat. Such a spectacular view and I could do nothing. I couldn't save her like she has done for me and countless others. I know that were she still here her words would be along the lines of "It doesn't matter that I didn't make it, at least Wells and everyone else got out alive".  
  
I know this because that was... is Janet Fraiser. A natural healer; always the patient came first. God forbid you try and stand between Janet and someone's life. Even when Apophis was here she at least tried to ease his pain. He was an enemy, but he was also a life, something that Janet revered.  
  
Sitting at her desk, I trace her face on a picture I found of her. In it she is holding Cassie and both are looking at the camera. Their faces are shaped in easy laughter. Rather than being comforting, the image causes tears to well in my eyes again. It hurts because I know that the world will never be graced with that smile again.  
  
"Hey Daniel." I look up to see Sam in the doorway. Her face echoes the pain that burns in my chest. She sees the picture that I hold, and sucks in an unsteady breath.  
  
"Sam." I reply offhandedly, a bit sharply. To be honest with myself, I'm angry. At her. At Jack. At Teal'c. They've seen each other; offered what comfort they could give. But none of them had seen fit to come and see me. Instead I got Bregman.  
  
Sam recoils at the emotion on my face. She must have seen the resentment. "I'm so sorry, Daniel." She all but whispers.  
  
"Don't be. I don't want it." I'm hurt. She's not going to get an easy way out of this.  
  
"There's no excuse. I know that. I wish I had a better reason, but I was afraid." Tears slide down her face as her voice threatens to crack.  
  
"Afraid?" I don't understand what she's talking about. Why would she be afraid of me and not the others?  
  
"You were there Daniel. You saw... it." She couldn't bring herself to say what 'it' was, "I was afraid to know exactly how it happened. I'm sorry Daniel, I just couldn't bring myself to hear that she had suffered."  
  
"So it was ok to just let me hang out to dry?" I load all the bitterness I can onto those words.  
  
"I know I was wrong! I don't expect your forgiveness, but I wanted you to know that I really am sorry." That said, she broke out into a run.  
  
I was disheartened to note that I was actually glad that she was hurting so. Not surprisingly, I almost went after her.  
  
But I wasn't ready to forgive her just yet.  
  
I slept on that desk. Actually it was more like tossing as nightmare after nightmare played through. She died more times than I dared to count that night. She's been dying a lot ever since it happened.  
  
One of the times the images pull me from sleep, I see Sam here. She sits in the corner by the door, head burrowed into her knees as she hugs them to her tightly. I can hear her tiny sobs but she apparently isn't aware yet that I'm awake. Looking at her pain; so open, so raw, I can see why she'd be afraid about hearing about Janet. I don't know if she suffered, if for one instant she even registered the pain of the shot before it actually killed her. God, I hope not; but I could never be sure.  
  
"Sam?" Seeing her like this... I still don't forgive what she has done. What they've done. But I understand, and that helps.  
  
Her head snaps up at my voice. "I saw you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you. I'll go now."  
  
Sam thinks I don't want her here. She wasn't there for me before, but she is here now. I'm not above taking what I can get. "Don't."  
  
Having already begun to extricate herself from the floor, she looked up at me from a kneeling position. "Really?" she asks as she pushes herself up.  
  
I just get up and walk over to her. Standing before her I wrap her in a tight hug, my tears falling freely on her shoulder. It doesn't take long for her to return the gesture, her hands beginning to trace comforting circles on my. It's all that I need to break down and really cry. "She's dead, Sam." I sob, saying the words aloud for the first time.  
  
"I know." She responds, almost crying herself. I know she's trying to hold it together for me, for which I'm grateful.  
  
"I never told her."  
  
"She knows." Sam knows what I'm talking about, though I've never spoken of it with anyone.  
  
"But I never told her!" I never uttered those words. Never let her know just what she meant to me after all these years.  
  
She doesn't have a response, but I feel her hold me that much tighter. God, she was never supposed to die! I know she went out on missions occasionally, but it never really struck me that she could die out there. I thought she was safe, so I thought it could wait.  
  
"Then tell her now." I hadn't been expecting her to reply, and am shocked to near silence. Sam's right. Wherever Janet is right now, she'll hear it. I should have told her before, but that's not possible anymore.  
  
I don't care that I have an audience. "Janet, I love you so much! I only wish I could have told you so while you were still here."  
  
I cry harder as the words leave me. Sam's crying full out too, I can feel the wetness stain my shoulder. It all hurts so much.  
  
I feel a gentle caress in my mind, a comforting gesture that causes me to shut my eyes even tighter. Sam was no doubt perplexed by the choked laughter I let out.  
  
She had heard.  
  
She had heard, and responded.  
  
I love you too. 


	3. Hammond

Title: Coming To Terms: Hammond  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Missing Scene/Epilogue  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s):  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Hammond comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
It's times like these I wonder why I took this job in the first place. No matter where I turn we are always losing someone. Having someone die under your command is never an easy thing.  
  
We know it comes with the job, but that's hardly any consolation to those that have to now go through life without someone they've come to depend on to be there.  
  
Doctor Fraiser was one of the finest officers I have ever served with. More than once I've gone to her for her opinion on some matter. I know that her ideas will be morally sound. When I don't know what to do next she could help me to see angles I may have missed on my own.  
  
I remember what I told Major Carter when she asked how I was holding up. It was all true; you need to see everyone under you as equals. Also true is that it never happens like that. You can't bond with everyone on the same level, nor can you avoid attachments to certain people. It just happens and you have to keep a clear head about it.  
  
This command is missing something. I know that for SG-1 and myself, certainly most of the base, the infirmary will always be missing something. We could always depend on her to be there, to fix what was wrong. Now, we'll have to depend on someone else. Someone who we'll all be acutely aware isn't Doctor Fraiser.  
  
The emptiness of the infirmary only accentuates the hole she left in our lives. 


	4. Jack

Title: Coming To Terms: Jack  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene/Epilogue  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s):  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Jack comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
Napoleonic Power Monger. You wouldn't expect anyone referred to with such a label to be so sorely missed. But then that label was given with the utmost respect. When someone is holding all of the post-mission needles, you tend to be respectful. She got her respect from her character, though; not her many fine utensils.  
  
The good ol' Doc. There was never anyone I'd trust more with my life, with the lives of my team. She always did her damnedest, even when there was nothing she could do. Nothing broke her up more than helpless situations.  
  
CMO. You have got to admire someone who is willing to stand up to a General. If she thought she was right she'd hold her ground, no matter what you tried. She didn't just go with the flow. She'd stand right in the middle of that river, all 5'2" of her, and force it to turn aside. That little woman had more fire than many people twice her size.  
  
Mother. She juggled a career in one of the most consuming jobs the world knows and still managed to raise a kid. A transplanted little girl who had already been through the loss of one mother, of one whole planet. But she managed it with singular skill. Always there for Cassie when she needed her. Always there for one of us when we needed to get stitched back together. Funny how the person we could really use to try and get through this is the one that's gone.  
  
Janet Fraiser. Friend to anyone except those that tried to hurt anyone close to her. The wrath of Janet was something you tried very hard to avoid. Nirrti learned that the hard way, with a gun shoved in her face. You just don't mess with Janet. You don't just threaten to harm someone she loves and expect to get away Scott Free.  
  
Gone. And it hurts. All of us feel her absence keenly. We didn't just lose Janet Fraiser out there. We lost a Napoleonic Power Monger. We lost the good ol' Doc. We lost our CMO. We lost a mother.  
  
We lost the last thing we ever expected to lose. 


	5. Sam

Title: Coming To Terms: Sam  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene/Epilogue  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s): Sam/Pete  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Sam comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
I'm finally alone. For the first time since it happened there's no one to offer lame condolences. I don't have to listen to endless platitudes, apologies that will never be enough.  
  
I can just sit on my couch, hug the throw pillow to my chest, and lose myself in my sorrow. My self-pity only makes me angrier though. Yes, I lost my best friend. Cassie had lost her mother, her second mother. I know what it feels like to lose your mother at that age. I couldn't imagine doing it twice. But here I am, indulging my own sadness. Right now Daniel is with her, but I still feel like I should be doing something more.  
  
When the doorbell rings, I just want to stay where I am and ignore it. But whoever it is is persistent. I go to the door, fully prepared to lose it should there just be a deliveryman or some equally trivial caller.  
  
I am completely unprepared to see Pete standing there, a bouquet of flowers in one arm. "Hey!" he begins cheerily, until he sees the look on my face. I know its red from crying, tear stains blatantly apparent. His next words are gentle and so full of concern. "What's wrong?"  
  
I closed the distance between us, burying my face in his shoulder as the tears begin again. His arms instinctively wrap around me. It's a while before I can speak. "She's dead."  
  
I know he's not sure whom I'm talking about. "Who?"  
  
"Janet!" I sob, "Janet's dead!"  
  
He ushers me back into my own house and closes the door. Hugging me tighter he replies, "I'm so sorry. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. You know that right?"  
  
I nod against his shoulder. He realizes I just want to be held right now. Without a word, I let him lead me to the couch. Pete sits in the middle and I sit beside him, drawing my feet onto the couch beside me. Nestling into the crook of his shoulder, he wraps his arm around me and we just sit like that for a long time.  
  
"It happened on a mission, didn't it?" I nodded against him, too choked up to form the necessary words for a reply. "She was a doctor, so someone must have gotten hurt before hand."  
  
"Another team was pinned, one of their men couldn't be moved. We went in to get them out." I remember the firefight. 6 jaffa had been closer to 60, complete with Death Gliders and Al'kesh. By any rights, we should all have been dead. But everyone had made it. Everyone except Janet.  
  
He doesn't prompt me to continue, but I do anyway. "We didn't know how many of them there were until we got there. The jaffa were everywhere. There weren't enough of us to hold them off for long. Colonel O'Neill was hit. I thought he was going to die. We didn't hear about Janet until we got to the 'gate." That was the most painful experience. For a time I thought I was going to lose two people that were close to me. But the insert had done its job and the Colonel had no serious injuries. Were the shot a little higher or lower, though, then it would be a different story altogether. I'm crying on his shoulder again. It hurt, but I needed to tell someone, to tell him.  
  
"Everyone else is ok?"  
  
"Wells is going to make a full recovery. The Colonel's wound wasn't serious."  
  
He took a moment to digest the information. "Then she was happy."  
  
"What?" How could he know what she was? Pete didn't even know her.  
  
"Remember the little sting incident?" his tone was apologetic. I know he's still a bit embarrassed about that whole fiasco. After making completely certain he would be all right I had torn him to pieces. He had no right to be there.  
  
"What about it?" I still didn't get what that had to do with anything.  
  
"Well, when I woke up in the infirmary the first person I saw was Doctor Fraiser. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was ok. Then she said 'Do you have any idea what you were doing back there? Forget about almost getting yourself sent to an early grave, what about the other people that you endangered with your little stunt? Your little distraction could have gotten everyone else either hurt or killed. Just thank your lucky stars that everything turned out ok'. That is a woman you don't mess with. She wouldn't have standed anyone else dying along with her. So, she was happy." Janet had never told me that she had beaten me to the scolding. Despite myself I feel a smile forming on my face. That was definitely something that she would do.  
  
"It's still not fair." The moment is a fleeting one.  
  
"Of course it's not. This sort of thing never is. You just have to get through it, you know that's what she'd want."  
  
"I know." He leans over and kisses the top of my head.  
  
"You don't have to do it all at once. I'll be here for you every step of the way."  
  
"I know." I repeat. I adjust, capturing his lips with my own. Slowly, I pull back from the kiss. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too." It still hurts, but I just might get through it after all. 


	6. Teal'c

Title: Coming To Terms  
  
Author: Confushi Sushi  
  
Email: confushi_sushi@hotmail.com  
  
Category: Angst, Missing Scene/Epilogue  
  
Spoilers: 718 Heroes 2  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Pairing(s):  
  
Season: 7  
  
Summary: Teal'c comes to terms with the tragedy.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No $. I'll give 'em back when I'm done, I swear.  
  
*  
  
The Tau'ri have lost a great warrior in the fight against the Goa'uld. Janet Fraiser was a great healer and a powerful woman of which we may never encounter again.  
  
I was pleased when Major Carter took the words I had prepared to speak of Janet Fraiser. Major Carter was her closest friend, so it was only proper that she speak the words. No vocalizations would ever be good enough to truly capture the essence of Janet Fraiser, but I believe that those words spoke well of her character.  
  
To truly understand her life, one had to look at the lives of those around her. She would use all of her skill and knowledge to save the life of any person. Though I did not agree with her wishes to alleviate Apophis of pain before his death, I respect that she held by the principles that made her the person she was.  
  
I find the Tau'ri ceremony to be wholly unsatisfying. A fallen warrior deserves more than simple words and a few salutes. So I have decided to give this woman the acknowledgement that she deserves.  
  
I sit on the floor of my quarters. But one candle stands before me; short and slender as the soul we have lost. Despite it's size, the flame burns tall and bright, reminiscent of the flame that burned within Janet Fraiser.  
  
Though it is small, the candle will burn for 5 days. I will sit before it in a deep state of kel'no'reem for the entire period. I shall commune with the spirit of Janet Fraiser and tell her personally what the memorial service could not fully communicate.  
  
Tek'ma'tal kree idjit.  
  
With your presence the battle was already half won. 


End file.
